Tired.....

So I'm not scheduled for the second job tonight. I'm getting the oil changed on my car (this will not resolve the "check engine" light issue, it's more for my own piece of mind) after work and debating on whether or not to do laundry before the weekend actually starts.

Regardless, I'll be checking my apartment for a tse-tse fly.

Why?

Because all friggin' week I haven't been able to stay awake past 10pm!! I've tried everything to stay awake but nothing is working, AND there's no logical reason for me to be soooo tired! Therefore if no logical reason is presenting itself, one must start looking at the illogical reasons. As I do not think that God would pick me as the mother of the second Messiah (the least of reasons being that whole "Virgin" clause was blown out of the water decades ago) I'm going with a rare, African wetland insect loose in my apartment and nightly stings me which causes me to pass out from fatigue.

It's really the only reason that makes sense.

Expiration Date

I'll just put this out there and see if anyone still visits....

So how long after divorce should one wait until they start dating again? Is it a matter of an Emily Post etiquette algorithm like "Two Waiting Months to Each Year Married"? I would then beg to argue that only 'happy years' should be considered in this marriage equation, as the unhappy ones were their own kind of purgatory that has already been suffered through.

THEN, when would this 'waiting period' begin? Once both parties had decided that the marriage was over? When the households split? When the judge signed off on the official notice at the courthouse?

All that is fine and good, but what if you didn't think that you'd ever feel like dating EVER again? What if this 'non-dating' period took YEARS and by the time you finally decided that you'd like to give it a try the only eligible bachelors around were Myron and Ralph on the third floor of the retirement community. --Neither one having their own teeth, knees, or colons anymore?

Is it worth it to go out with someone even if you don't really feel like it? Let's be honest here, wasn't that the last few years of my marriage?

I guess I'm just afraid that I'm going to wake up one day and realize that I've passed my expiration date. I don't want to be one of those sad cans of organic soup that sit -unwanted- on the closeout rack at Meijer waiting for someone, anyone to take them home.

Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?

That I'm the dullest person in the metro-Toledo area?

I keep thinking that I should update this blog, but I don't do anything other than work job 1 then go to job 2 and work some more.

Naturally, that's not ENTIRELY true... I did go to Cedar Point the other Saturday with some very dear friends, and the weekend before that I was in Wisconsin hanging out with the BFF and her family (an awesome trip, by the way).

However left to my own devices I'm a friggin' old lady!

Trying to Understand the Karma of it All

OK, so divorce court went well (I guess...?...). It made me giggle a little that the whole divorce court proceeding should take as long as the wedding ceremony...

I went to SSA afterwards and showed them my paperwork so that I can once again have my ethnicity back. Walked in, waited less than 5 minutes, filled out a form, and left the building in another 5 minutes.

On Friday (at 4:30 no less...) I went to the BVR to change my driver's license to my maiden name and was told that the state of Indiana had a hold on my license. They gave me the # to the Indiana BVR and I called there (at 4:53pm). Welllllll, apparently I had gotten a ticket in Michigan and not paid some fine, so the state of Michigan sent some form to Indiana and I can't renew my license there. The (bitchy) woman in Indiana gave me the # to the Michigan Secretary of State and told me to clear things up with them.

......oh.......and this "Mystery Ticket" is from December of 1998......

Since it was a holiday weekend, I couldn't call anyone until Tuesday. I tried to call after work, but --apparently-- there was some kind of power outage in Lansing and they didn't have computers. I called again yesterday around 4pm.

The Secretary of State lady was (actually) pleasant as she could be. She said that I had NO outstanding tickets in that state either by my married or maiden names. She said that she didn't see any reason why Indiana wouldn't let me renew my Ohio license and gave me a different # to call in Indianapolis.

So I called the other # and got this PMS-ing bitch of a woman. I explained what I was trying to do and how I'd already called the state of Michigan and that they couldn't find what the state of Indiana was referring to by an unpaid ticket. I --further-- explained to the woman that in December of 1998, I was living in Michigan. We had moved there in October of 1998 and that I didn't understand how they could have gotten my Indiana license when I didn't have it any longer.

Basically, Ms. Bitchy McPMS told me that there was nothing that she could do. I had to pay the state $150 to reinstate my license, that was the ONLY way that she could take the block off of my license. After listening to her patronize me for 10 minutes, I asked to speak to her manager.

Who was twice the bitch that the first lady was!

She didn't seem to care that Michigan hadn't issued any kind of "hold" or that I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE AN INDIANA LICENSE when this "ticket" had occurred!! She wasn't listening to a friggin' word I said!! It was all I could do not to call her a fu%*ing c#nt right then and there! --And as potty as my mouth can get, I NEVER use the C-word.

So I copied my three proofs of address (this -again- the Indiana people couldn't understand. I pay my bills electronically. I receive my statements online. There are no envelopes or bills that come my way in the snail mail) and I sent the friggin' state of Indiana 150 goddammed dollars for what --I assume-- is THEIR friggin' error. (Let's be honest, I don't have the $1500 retainer for a lawyer, let alone the time and effort to argue this any further.)

The karma bit is this:
When we were first married, I filled out the SSA papers and mailed them in. The next year (when we filed taxes) I got a notice that my name didn't match "Rife" on my W-2 forms. I filled this out again (in the crap state of Indiana).

We moved to Michigan and --again-- I was notified that my name was still "Weber" on some form of legal something. I went --again!-- to the SSA and filled out the friggin' form.

When I moved back to Ohio (after living in Wisconsin for 6 mos) I had to become a notary, and was **you guessed it!** notified YET AGAIN that my social security records were STILL in my maiden name! I went to the SSA offices in downtown Toledo filled out the friggin form (by memory this time...) and within 2 weeks, I had my "Rife" social security card.

NOW, I can't change anything else over until I'm back to being a "Weber" and the sucking hellhole of a state known as Indiana won't let me change back!

What am I supposed to learn from this? Never change your name? Know who you are and don't forget it? Take the good times from your marriage into your future?

I just want my goddammed name back!

.....oh yeah.......I overnighted that money order*!


*I'd send a check, but as my address hasn't been updated on it, I'm afraid it would just confuse the people in Indiana. Their pea-picking brains can't seem to comprehend much......

**By the way, I don't see the logic in updating my checks until AFTER my name is changed (since it's both address and name that are different) and I can't do that until I get my new STATE ISSUED ID!


I'm almost beginning to feel that this marriage will NEVER be over......

One Week

The countdown continues......
Next week (at this time) I'll be in downtown Toledo for my 8:45am family court marriage dissolution.

Then off to the social security office to change my info there, then back to work.

.....man! I know how to live!!

22 Days

22 days until I'm officially single again.

22 days until I'm a Weber again. (One 'b'; I didn't stutter...... it's 'Weber', not "Web-ber"...)

22 days until the last (13-year) chapter in my life is closed.

Am I excited? Yeah, a bit.

Am I sad? Yeah, a bit.

Am I happy? ...I don't know.....

Am I repressing a deep depression? .......I really don't think so, but if I'm repressing it I wouldn't know for sure, would I??

The one thing that I DO know for sure is that I have the best, most supportive, and most affirming friends EVER!



.........now if only I can remember how to be single......

Family Support

I know that my parents love me and that they're worried sick about how I'm doing on my own again. --I know this because they call almost weekly (which they don't normally do) and try to convince me to move back to Colorado. They'll even pay for the plane tickets/gas/covered wagon to get me back home!

I know that my friends --you know who you are, and you know that I consider you even closer than family-- love me and care for me and are 'there' whether I need advice, a mop and bucket, or help with heavy lifting!

So imagine my surprise when Rich's older sister (Cindy) emails me and says that she would like to keep in touch with me, even though I'll no longer be part of Rifeland. She went on to say that she doesn't think that Rich has changed for the better and that her heart is breaking for me.

!

I emailed her back and said that I'd love to keep in touch with her (and her family). She's a truly loving, wonderful person and very much the older sister I never had. She is genuine in her friendship and honest in her living. I also told her (in the email) that I wasn't out to hurt Rich in this divorce. I wasn't taking EVERYTHING like Jen did and that I truly wish nothing but the best for Rich.

I'll be honest here. I did this #1: because it's the truth but also because #2: because I wanted his whole family to know that I'm not the 'bad guy' in this split.

So she emailed me back. Cindy let me know that SHE knows that I'm not a vindictive person (ala the first wife, Jen) and that Rich's mom and dad also think that Rich's mid-life change is NOT FOR THE BEST. Basically, his whole family think that he's going off the deep end.

Why?

Because apparently he's told them that he is trying to live a monastic life and that I couldn't do that. He wants simplicity and quiet and I just won't go there with him.

Naturally, I had to point out that monks don't have girlfriends and that regardless of the words coming out of his mouth, Rich is dating someone else now.

I think that family shit may be about to hit the fan in Rifeland.

Ratty Cuticles and Bruised Body

Hooray! I have my own apartment!!

The Pro's:
walking about nekkid!
showering with the bathroom door wide open
putting things where I want them to be
only needing one light on at a time

The Con's:
moving furniture from one side of the room to the other until I decide where it should go
deep cleaning furniture that hasn't seen the light of day since 2004
remembering to unplug cords that are not in use (plugging them in just completes the connection and 'draws' a current)

A sincere and deep appreciation go out to Nif and Anna for their hard work on Saturday. Without them I'd still be out at my storage place wondering how the hell I was going to load the UHaul! --Or worse, I'd have to have 'Richard' help me.

Tomorrow night I'll be getting the Ish and settling him into the new apartment. I miss Argyll already and worry that 'Richard' will show him the same callous lack of affection that he's shown me over the past 4 years..... It amazes me that someone who is so "spiritual" has so little respect for God's four-legged creations. I guess it only goes to show what a complete bastard Richard has become.

Scheister-Thursday

So I met Rich downtown this afternoon so that we could hire the cheap lawyer. Yes, I'd rather hire lawyer-chickie who seemed to know what the hell she was doing, but it seems to ALWAYS come down to money with Rich.

So since Rich called the lawyer's office, he got to "hire" him and I'll be signing off on my right to counsel. (Unless I can come up with $1000 to cover lawyer-chickie on my own.) ((I don't quite know how I'm going to pull my car payment AND the deposit I need in order to get my electricity turned on over at my new apartment out of my ass this week, so that $1000 is a pipe dream of monumental proportions.))

I'm ..."-ad"...?... that things are here already. "Glad" that I can finally start to get on with my life, "Sad" that the marriage is over, "Mad" that the past 13 years mean NOTHING to Rich and that I've wasted my time and opportunities on building a life with him, and "Had" as if all I ever meant to him was someone to be a parent since he couldn't. ......."Chad"?--I'd like to perforate him like a dimpled chad. ......."Dad"?--I wish that Rich could have acted like a dad and not like a roommate for his daughter. ........."Nad"?--I'd like to kick him in the nads.

I suppose that that's enough Dr. Seuss for now.

Two Posts in Less than Two Weeks

Can it be possible?

Do I REALLY have something to say?

Truthfully....... no, not really. Things are .....well......things. I managed to get over to my new apartment complex and turn in my deposits (one for the apartment itself and one for the cat). I'm --not so secretly-- friggin' excited as hell that I'll finally have my own place. I think that Rich and I are at "that place" where we just can't stand looking at each other anymore and that we're ready to move on.

.....or maybe that's just me?

OK, this past Saturday he had mentioned that he needed to go to one of the local outdoor malls. Apparently he signed himself and his daughter up for Verizon cell service and his employer has some kind of contract with Verizon that gives a discount for their employees. He has just needed to bring in a paystub to prove that he works for Goodwill Industries. His car was in the shop over the weekend (another long story) and he was planning on biking the 8 miles to the mall. No big deal. It's #1-healthy, and #2-environmentally friendly.

So Saturday dawns and the weather is looking pretty crappy. He waited until around 10:30am before he got ready to head out, and the clouds were looking a little dark. I told him that I needed to go to the bank and that since my bank has a location over in Perrysburg I could take him to the mall, drop him off, go to the bank, run a quick errand, then pick him up. UNLESS HE WAS GOING TO THE MALL TO SHOP OR HAVE LUNCH WITH SOMEONE and didn't know when he would need his return trip.

He looked me in the eye and said, "No thank you, I'm really looking forward to the bike ride."

Fine. So I went to the closer bank location, ran one of my errands for the day then came back home. The clouds had opened and it was storming like hell. When I got into the apartment, Spencer mentioned that she hoped that her dad was OK and I told her that (if she wanted) she could call him and that if he needed a ride home I'd go to get him. She called him and he said that he WAS MEETING A FRIEND FOR LUNCH and would be home later.

She got ready for her day (working at Subway) and left. I --meanwhile-- was pissed. WTF?!?! Did I not phrase my original question in English? How the hell difficult is it to tell the friggin truth?!?

I wasn't going to waste my day waiting for his sorry ass to come home, so I left him a scathing note. Basically it said that I was tired of him lying to me, omitting the truth to me, and his general passive-aggressive attitude (his biggest pet peeve is people acting passive aggressively -by the way). I told him that I 'get' that he doesn't want to keep hurting me (since he's said that he's actively DATING his new girlfriend and not going to stop until we're divorced --or even until we're in seperate apartments) but I told him that it hurts MORE that he can't be honest. ((And it's not the first time we've had THAT conversation!))

I left the note where he could find it and left for the day. I didn't get home Saturday night until around 11pm. He was in his bedroom, reading/avoiding me.

He hasn't said ANYTHING to me about it. He hasn't apologized and I don't expect that he ever will. --I guess that it's against the Bastard Code of Ethics.

He DID say (on Monday) that he wanted to go to a local retreat center for Thursday night and Friday night this week. He said that he felt that he needed to get away and think about things.

I don't know what this means. Maybe he's coming up with more new and improved ways to knife me in the back emotionally?

Thank God that this is the last month I have to live with him!

In other news, I talked with a lawyer last Thursday. As I've never divorced before I don't quite know the steps involved and am not stupid enough to blindly trust the information given by the guy that Rich talked to. After talking with her, I feel better about the process and I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to get screwed over. I'm also not sure that I want to sign off on my rights and just use Rich's guy.

OK--so about a month ago, Rich says, "Hey, we have the $800 for the retainer for the lawyer, let me call him and get the dissolution started."

I said, "Whoa. Wait a minute. I checked this out online and I was under the impression that we need to have two seperate residences before we do the dissolution of marriage." --Obviously since I'm spiritually dead, I'm probably just stupid and making things up as well, so Rich had to call up his guy the next day and check.

His guy said that we can stay together throughout the entire process. No problem!

I told Rich that regardless of what his guy was telling him, I wanted my own place before we hired anyone. It ticked Rich off (as his tunnel-vision on what he wants is blinding him to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around him) but he said that he'd wait then.

So I asked this other lawyer-chickie about the seperate residences thing. Mainly just to verify that it's OK to live together while we legally seperate.

SHE said that for the dissolution process, each party MUST RESIDE AT SEPERATE ADDRESSES. For a full-fault-finding divorce, you can still live together, but as the dissolution is stating that "The marriage is over, we have divided our possessions, incomes, liabilities, AND we have seperate households" --you may NOT reside together and that certainly she'd be a little suspect of any lawyer who told us anything different.

So I told Rich what lawyer-chickie had said and how she had described the process. Her retainer is $1000 and $200/hour past that. She said that as we seemed to have everything divided and didn't have any joint property/financial obligations together (Rich has contacted the IRS and everything is under his name now) she didn't see how we'd go over the retainer-time by more than an hour or two at the most.

So Rich gets all bent out of shape by the retainer cost being "so high". Dude. We have friggin' $800 already. It's another $200. AND THIS CHICK ISN'T GIVING US BAD LEGAL ADVICE!! LET ALONE--let me explain how we've amassed this $800: I took our wedding rings and a couple of other pieces of MY old silver jewelry to a gold liquidator and got $200; I called a salvage yard and sold the old GrandAm for $200 scrap metal. Richard friggin called his mommy and asked for the other $400. Who the hell's idea was this divorce?!?! --AND WHO THE HELL IS DOING ALL OF THE GODDAMNED WORK!!!! --Don't even get me started on why the hell if HE wants out am I the one moving?!

He friggin' sickens me anymore.

He's not the same person --let alone personality-- that he was when we met in 1994 and married in 1995.

I'm so ready to be done with him.

About Friggin' Time

Well, it's about friggin' time to post a new post.

Things have changed --A LOT-- since March, but since only three people read this you probably know all about it already!

Anyway,
I'm REALLY looking forward to moving into my new place! I FINALLY get to live by myself!! ....well, almost all by myself.... I'll be taking Ishmael (the crabby tabby) with me when I move out. Sure, I'll still have to come home from time to time to set dinner out for his Lord Tubbiness, but it's not like I'll be owing him an explanation for anything I do!

I told Rich that I was excited to finally be completely on my own. He seemed somewhat surprised by the remark. I know that he really doesn't give a rat's ass as to what I do with the rest of my life so I honestly don't know why he would seem surprised that I wanted to be alone. I was tempted to explain that I wouldn't wake up every morning holding my breath wondering what his mood would be like that day. Would he be happy? Would he be aloof? Would he speak with me? Would he bury his head in his book or computer game and forget I even existed?? How the hell would I NOT be excited to finally live with someone whose emotions were honest?

--By this I'm referring to the cat, of course. Ishmael wakes up feisty, demands breakfast, mellows out until dinner, gets feisty again at around 5pm, then cuddles on the sofa until bedtime. When he's pissed at you, you know it. When his belly is full, he's content.--

So anyway, this next month is just going to drag on.

Other new news-

• I started my part-time job at Starbucks last night. I had been working at Target, but was only getting 12-16 hours a week. What's the point? Sure, if the employee discount were 20% I'd probably still be there but the discount was just 10%. The manager at Starbucks said that she could guarantee me 18-22 hours a week once I was out of training. --I may not need this many hours, but it's nice to know that I can get them.

• I nearly keeled over this past weekend when Her Royal Spenceness actually deigned to speak with me. It has been almost a month since she's done more than grunt or give a monosyllabic reply to anything I've asked of or said to her. -But here's the best part...... SHE initiated the conversation! It leaves me wondering what she wants...?.....

• I tried on the most faboolous fitting bra this past weekend! It may mean nothing to you, but it made me happy. My 'girls' were perky and up where I like them, my back felt no strain whatsoever, and the bra itself was very pretty. The drawbacks were that it was an "H" cup (and a 36 band size......I think that it was wonky sized because it was French), and that it was $72. No thank you.

Well, I can say that I'll try to post more regularly but who really knows for sure?

Thanks for listening!!

Spring Update

They're calling for snow again tomorrow.

...and thus begins Spring in the Midwest!

I just thought that I'd update this on the off-chance that anyone still looks at it. So back to where I left off, I guess...

"Chicago" went exceedingly well. --Especially considering the fact that the first time that the ENTIRE cast was ever together was opening night. I'm serious. Once the lights came up on stage, it was as though we'd all been there, rehearsing diligently together for months. As Geoffrey Rush says time and again in "Shakespeare In Love" --'It's a mystery'!

Pip just finished the high school's spring musical ("High School Musical") last weekend. She said that it was fantastic and that the cast did a REALLY good job. She was student producer for the show, so wasn't on stage. I'd have gone to see the show if she was onstage. I'm not saying that I didn't think that her part wasn't worth supporting --quite the opposite, in fact. I just don't care for the music in that show, so didn't feel the need to sit through it. I supported the crew by making rice crispy treats and Fruity Pebbles treats (same concept at rice crispy's, different cereal).

For our spring concert, Chorale is doing a 'kids concert' at the Perrysburg library. The music doesn't 'wow' me, but we like to give back to the greater community from time to time and since the library is one of our biggest supporters (time and talents vs. $$) it only stands to reason that we'd put together something that will fit their demographics. The concerts are April 12th & 13th, so pretty soon my Monday nights will be clear again!

Graduation is right around the corner (June 7th if you're interested), so I've already tried to start planning for that. Pip's mom, aunt, and siblings are coming up for it, so we've been checking into hotels and such for them. I don't see us having a graduation party for her, there's really no time for it. --Besides, we live in an apartment called 'Lilliput' for Christ's sake!! Four people tend to crowd the living room!

Well, since nothing of note is really going on, I'll let you go back to reading blogs of importance!

Wait Until January??

Did I really end my last post with that? I should learn not to tempt fate like that...

I had all the intentions of an easy month. Chorale doesn't pick up again until the 14th (our director is in Paris post-holiday), I'm not currently in a Playshop production, and (although we have a children's concert Feb first) church is low-key now that Advent and Christmas is over.

What was that? I'm IN a Playshop production? How could that be? I didn't even audition!

It turns out that one of the minor characters couldn't commit to her role after all, and now I'm 'Mary Sunshine' in Chicago. So now I have rehearsals on Tuesday nights, Friday nights, and Sunday afternoons. --And did I mention that opening night is a month from yesterday? Eeek!

The hardest part is that this character is neither drunk nor a floozy. I have no personal point of reference to base her on! --teehee.

"She" is, of course, a man.

I think I may have fun with this.....