I know that my parents love me and that they're worried sick about how I'm doing on my own again. --I know this because they call almost weekly (which they don't normally do) and try to convince me to move back to Colorado. They'll even pay for the plane tickets/gas/covered wagon to get me back home!
I know that my friends --you know who you are, and you know that I consider you even closer than family-- love me and care for me and are 'there' whether I need advice, a mop and bucket, or help with heavy lifting!
So imagine my surprise when Rich's older sister (Cindy) emails me and says that she would like to keep in touch with me, even though I'll no longer be part of Rifeland. She went on to say that she doesn't think that Rich has changed for the better and that her heart is breaking for me.
!
I emailed her back and said that I'd love to keep in touch with her (and her family). She's a truly loving, wonderful person and very much the older sister I never had. She is genuine in her friendship and honest in her living. I also told her (in the email) that I wasn't out to hurt Rich in this divorce. I wasn't taking EVERYTHING like Jen did and that I truly wish nothing but the best for Rich.
I'll be honest here. I did this #1: because it's the truth but also because #2: because I wanted his whole family to know that I'm not the 'bad guy' in this split.
So she emailed me back. Cindy let me know that SHE knows that I'm not a vindictive person (ala the first wife, Jen) and that Rich's mom and dad also think that Rich's mid-life change is NOT FOR THE BEST. Basically, his whole family think that he's going off the deep end.
Why?
Because apparently he's told them that he is trying to live a monastic life and that I couldn't do that. He wants simplicity and quiet and I just won't go there with him.
Naturally, I had to point out that monks don't have girlfriends and that regardless of the words coming out of his mouth, Rich is dating someone else now.
I think that family shit may be about to hit the fan in Rifeland.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ratty Cuticles and Bruised Body
Hooray! I have my own apartment!!
The Pro's:
walking about nekkid!
showering with the bathroom door wide open
putting things where I want them to be
only needing one light on at a time
The Con's:
moving furniture from one side of the room to the other until I decide where it should go
deep cleaning furniture that hasn't seen the light of day since 2004
remembering to unplug cords that are not in use (plugging them in just completes the connection and 'draws' a current)
A sincere and deep appreciation go out to Nif and Anna for their hard work on Saturday. Without them I'd still be out at my storage place wondering how the hell I was going to load the UHaul! --Or worse, I'd have to have 'Richard' help me.
Tomorrow night I'll be getting the Ish and settling him into the new apartment. I miss Argyll already and worry that 'Richard' will show him the same callous lack of affection that he's shown me over the past 4 years..... It amazes me that someone who is so "spiritual" has so little respect for God's four-legged creations. I guess it only goes to show what a complete bastard Richard has become.
The Pro's:
walking about nekkid!
showering with the bathroom door wide open
putting things where I want them to be
only needing one light on at a time
The Con's:
moving furniture from one side of the room to the other until I decide where it should go
deep cleaning furniture that hasn't seen the light of day since 2004
remembering to unplug cords that are not in use (plugging them in just completes the connection and 'draws' a current)
A sincere and deep appreciation go out to Nif and Anna for their hard work on Saturday. Without them I'd still be out at my storage place wondering how the hell I was going to load the UHaul! --Or worse, I'd have to have 'Richard' help me.
Tomorrow night I'll be getting the Ish and settling him into the new apartment. I miss Argyll already and worry that 'Richard' will show him the same callous lack of affection that he's shown me over the past 4 years..... It amazes me that someone who is so "spiritual" has so little respect for God's four-legged creations. I guess it only goes to show what a complete bastard Richard has become.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Scheister-Thursday
So I met Rich downtown this afternoon so that we could hire the cheap lawyer. Yes, I'd rather hire lawyer-chickie who seemed to know what the hell she was doing, but it seems to ALWAYS come down to money with Rich.
So since Rich called the lawyer's office, he got to "hire" him and I'll be signing off on my right to counsel. (Unless I can come up with $1000 to cover lawyer-chickie on my own.) ((I don't quite know how I'm going to pull my car payment AND the deposit I need in order to get my electricity turned on over at my new apartment out of my ass this week, so that $1000 is a pipe dream of monumental proportions.))
I'm ..."-ad"...?... that things are here already. "Glad" that I can finally start to get on with my life, "Sad" that the marriage is over, "Mad" that the past 13 years mean NOTHING to Rich and that I've wasted my time and opportunities on building a life with him, and "Had" as if all I ever meant to him was someone to be a parent since he couldn't. ......."Chad"?--I'd like to perforate him like a dimpled chad. ......."Dad"?--I wish that Rich could have acted like a dad and not like a roommate for his daughter. ........."Nad"?--I'd like to kick him in the nads.
I suppose that that's enough Dr. Seuss for now.
So since Rich called the lawyer's office, he got to "hire" him and I'll be signing off on my right to counsel. (Unless I can come up with $1000 to cover lawyer-chickie on my own.) ((I don't quite know how I'm going to pull my car payment AND the deposit I need in order to get my electricity turned on over at my new apartment out of my ass this week, so that $1000 is a pipe dream of monumental proportions.))
I'm ..."-ad"...?... that things are here already. "Glad" that I can finally start to get on with my life, "Sad" that the marriage is over, "Mad" that the past 13 years mean NOTHING to Rich and that I've wasted my time and opportunities on building a life with him, and "Had" as if all I ever meant to him was someone to be a parent since he couldn't. ......."Chad"?--I'd like to perforate him like a dimpled chad. ......."Dad"?--I wish that Rich could have acted like a dad and not like a roommate for his daughter. ........."Nad"?--I'd like to kick him in the nads.
I suppose that that's enough Dr. Seuss for now.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Two Posts in Less than Two Weeks
Can it be possible?
Do I REALLY have something to say?
Truthfully....... no, not really. Things are .....well......things. I managed to get over to my new apartment complex and turn in my deposits (one for the apartment itself and one for the cat). I'm --not so secretly-- friggin' excited as hell that I'll finally have my own place. I think that Rich and I are at "that place" where we just can't stand looking at each other anymore and that we're ready to move on.
.....or maybe that's just me?
OK, this past Saturday he had mentioned that he needed to go to one of the local outdoor malls. Apparently he signed himself and his daughter up for Verizon cell service and his employer has some kind of contract with Verizon that gives a discount for their employees. He has just needed to bring in a paystub to prove that he works for Goodwill Industries. His car was in the shop over the weekend (another long story) and he was planning on biking the 8 miles to the mall. No big deal. It's #1-healthy, and #2-environmentally friendly.
So Saturday dawns and the weather is looking pretty crappy. He waited until around 10:30am before he got ready to head out, and the clouds were looking a little dark. I told him that I needed to go to the bank and that since my bank has a location over in Perrysburg I could take him to the mall, drop him off, go to the bank, run a quick errand, then pick him up. UNLESS HE WAS GOING TO THE MALL TO SHOP OR HAVE LUNCH WITH SOMEONE and didn't know when he would need his return trip.
He looked me in the eye and said, "No thank you, I'm really looking forward to the bike ride."
Fine. So I went to the closer bank location, ran one of my errands for the day then came back home. The clouds had opened and it was storming like hell. When I got into the apartment, Spencer mentioned that she hoped that her dad was OK and I told her that (if she wanted) she could call him and that if he needed a ride home I'd go to get him. She called him and he said that he WAS MEETING A FRIEND FOR LUNCH and would be home later.
She got ready for her day (working at Subway) and left. I --meanwhile-- was pissed. WTF?!?! Did I not phrase my original question in English? How the hell difficult is it to tell the friggin truth?!?
I wasn't going to waste my day waiting for his sorry ass to come home, so I left him a scathing note. Basically it said that I was tired of him lying to me, omitting the truth to me, and his general passive-aggressive attitude (his biggest pet peeve is people acting passive aggressively -by the way). I told him that I 'get' that he doesn't want to keep hurting me (since he's said that he's actively DATING his new girlfriend and not going to stop until we're divorced --or even until we're in seperate apartments) but I told him that it hurts MORE that he can't be honest. ((And it's not the first time we've had THAT conversation!))
I left the note where he could find it and left for the day. I didn't get home Saturday night until around 11pm. He was in his bedroom, reading/avoiding me.
He hasn't said ANYTHING to me about it. He hasn't apologized and I don't expect that he ever will. --I guess that it's against the Bastard Code of Ethics.
He DID say (on Monday) that he wanted to go to a local retreat center for Thursday night and Friday night this week. He said that he felt that he needed to get away and think about things.
I don't know what this means. Maybe he's coming up with more new and improved ways to knife me in the back emotionally?
Thank God that this is the last month I have to live with him!
In other news, I talked with a lawyer last Thursday. As I've never divorced before I don't quite know the steps involved and am not stupid enough to blindly trust the information given by the guy that Rich talked to. After talking with her, I feel better about the process and I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to get screwed over. I'm also not sure that I want to sign off on my rights and just use Rich's guy.
OK--so about a month ago, Rich says, "Hey, we have the $800 for the retainer for the lawyer, let me call him and get the dissolution started."
I said, "Whoa. Wait a minute. I checked this out online and I was under the impression that we need to have two seperate residences before we do the dissolution of marriage." --Obviously since I'm spiritually dead, I'm probably just stupid and making things up as well, so Rich had to call up his guy the next day and check.
His guy said that we can stay together throughout the entire process. No problem!
I told Rich that regardless of what his guy was telling him, I wanted my own place before we hired anyone. It ticked Rich off (as his tunnel-vision on what he wants is blinding him to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around him) but he said that he'd wait then.
So I asked this other lawyer-chickie about the seperate residences thing. Mainly just to verify that it's OK to live together while we legally seperate.
SHE said that for the dissolution process, each party MUST RESIDE AT SEPERATE ADDRESSES. For a full-fault-finding divorce, you can still live together, but as the dissolution is stating that "The marriage is over, we have divided our possessions, incomes, liabilities, AND we have seperate households" --you may NOT reside together and that certainly she'd be a little suspect of any lawyer who told us anything different.
So I told Rich what lawyer-chickie had said and how she had described the process. Her retainer is $1000 and $200/hour past that. She said that as we seemed to have everything divided and didn't have any joint property/financial obligations together (Rich has contacted the IRS and everything is under his name now) she didn't see how we'd go over the retainer-time by more than an hour or two at the most.
So Rich gets all bent out of shape by the retainer cost being "so high". Dude. We have friggin' $800 already. It's another $200. AND THIS CHICK ISN'T GIVING US BAD LEGAL ADVICE!! LET ALONE--let me explain how we've amassed this $800: I took our wedding rings and a couple of other pieces of MY old silver jewelry to a gold liquidator and got $200; I called a salvage yard and sold the old GrandAm for $200 scrap metal. Richard friggin called his mommy and asked for the other $400. Who the hell's idea was this divorce?!?! --AND WHO THE HELL IS DOING ALL OF THE GODDAMNED WORK!!!! --Don't even get me started on why the hell if HE wants out am I the one moving?!
He friggin' sickens me anymore.
He's not the same person --let alone personality-- that he was when we met in 1994 and married in 1995.
I'm so ready to be done with him.
Do I REALLY have something to say?
Truthfully....... no, not really. Things are .....well......things. I managed to get over to my new apartment complex and turn in my deposits (one for the apartment itself and one for the cat). I'm --not so secretly-- friggin' excited as hell that I'll finally have my own place. I think that Rich and I are at "that place" where we just can't stand looking at each other anymore and that we're ready to move on.
.....or maybe that's just me?
OK, this past Saturday he had mentioned that he needed to go to one of the local outdoor malls. Apparently he signed himself and his daughter up for Verizon cell service and his employer has some kind of contract with Verizon that gives a discount for their employees. He has just needed to bring in a paystub to prove that he works for Goodwill Industries. His car was in the shop over the weekend (another long story) and he was planning on biking the 8 miles to the mall. No big deal. It's #1-healthy, and #2-environmentally friendly.
So Saturday dawns and the weather is looking pretty crappy. He waited until around 10:30am before he got ready to head out, and the clouds were looking a little dark. I told him that I needed to go to the bank and that since my bank has a location over in Perrysburg I could take him to the mall, drop him off, go to the bank, run a quick errand, then pick him up. UNLESS HE WAS GOING TO THE MALL TO SHOP OR HAVE LUNCH WITH SOMEONE and didn't know when he would need his return trip.
He looked me in the eye and said, "No thank you, I'm really looking forward to the bike ride."
Fine. So I went to the closer bank location, ran one of my errands for the day then came back home. The clouds had opened and it was storming like hell. When I got into the apartment, Spencer mentioned that she hoped that her dad was OK and I told her that (if she wanted) she could call him and that if he needed a ride home I'd go to get him. She called him and he said that he WAS MEETING A FRIEND FOR LUNCH and would be home later.
She got ready for her day (working at Subway) and left. I --meanwhile-- was pissed. WTF?!?! Did I not phrase my original question in English? How the hell difficult is it to tell the friggin truth?!?
I wasn't going to waste my day waiting for his sorry ass to come home, so I left him a scathing note. Basically it said that I was tired of him lying to me, omitting the truth to me, and his general passive-aggressive attitude (his biggest pet peeve is people acting passive aggressively -by the way). I told him that I 'get' that he doesn't want to keep hurting me (since he's said that he's actively DATING his new girlfriend and not going to stop until we're divorced --or even until we're in seperate apartments) but I told him that it hurts MORE that he can't be honest. ((And it's not the first time we've had THAT conversation!))
I left the note where he could find it and left for the day. I didn't get home Saturday night until around 11pm. He was in his bedroom, reading/avoiding me.
He hasn't said ANYTHING to me about it. He hasn't apologized and I don't expect that he ever will. --I guess that it's against the Bastard Code of Ethics.
He DID say (on Monday) that he wanted to go to a local retreat center for Thursday night and Friday night this week. He said that he felt that he needed to get away and think about things.
I don't know what this means. Maybe he's coming up with more new and improved ways to knife me in the back emotionally?
Thank God that this is the last month I have to live with him!
In other news, I talked with a lawyer last Thursday. As I've never divorced before I don't quite know the steps involved and am not stupid enough to blindly trust the information given by the guy that Rich talked to. After talking with her, I feel better about the process and I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to get screwed over. I'm also not sure that I want to sign off on my rights and just use Rich's guy.
OK--so about a month ago, Rich says, "Hey, we have the $800 for the retainer for the lawyer, let me call him and get the dissolution started."
I said, "Whoa. Wait a minute. I checked this out online and I was under the impression that we need to have two seperate residences before we do the dissolution of marriage." --Obviously since I'm spiritually dead, I'm probably just stupid and making things up as well, so Rich had to call up his guy the next day and check.
His guy said that we can stay together throughout the entire process. No problem!
I told Rich that regardless of what his guy was telling him, I wanted my own place before we hired anyone. It ticked Rich off (as his tunnel-vision on what he wants is blinding him to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around him) but he said that he'd wait then.
So I asked this other lawyer-chickie about the seperate residences thing. Mainly just to verify that it's OK to live together while we legally seperate.
SHE said that for the dissolution process, each party MUST RESIDE AT SEPERATE ADDRESSES. For a full-fault-finding divorce, you can still live together, but as the dissolution is stating that "The marriage is over, we have divided our possessions, incomes, liabilities, AND we have seperate households" --you may NOT reside together and that certainly she'd be a little suspect of any lawyer who told us anything different.
So I told Rich what lawyer-chickie had said and how she had described the process. Her retainer is $1000 and $200/hour past that. She said that as we seemed to have everything divided and didn't have any joint property/financial obligations together (Rich has contacted the IRS and everything is under his name now) she didn't see how we'd go over the retainer-time by more than an hour or two at the most.
So Rich gets all bent out of shape by the retainer cost being "so high". Dude. We have friggin' $800 already. It's another $200. AND THIS CHICK ISN'T GIVING US BAD LEGAL ADVICE!! LET ALONE--let me explain how we've amassed this $800: I took our wedding rings and a couple of other pieces of MY old silver jewelry to a gold liquidator and got $200; I called a salvage yard and sold the old GrandAm for $200 scrap metal. Richard friggin called his mommy and asked for the other $400. Who the hell's idea was this divorce?!?! --AND WHO THE HELL IS DOING ALL OF THE GODDAMNED WORK!!!! --Don't even get me started on why the hell if HE wants out am I the one moving?!
He friggin' sickens me anymore.
He's not the same person --let alone personality-- that he was when we met in 1994 and married in 1995.
I'm so ready to be done with him.
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